Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
