It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
