just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
