is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is wine microwaveable?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
