Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
