I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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