mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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