Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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