Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
