Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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