I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
