rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
