Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I touched a dick in church today
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
