New low: just hacked my moms facebook
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
