i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We have started to decorate penises.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
