I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
