Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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