Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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