Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize