Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
