You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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