cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
whose parrot is this?
I am one with the molecules
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
