I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
