I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
