Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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