dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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