I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have post one night stand depression
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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