I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
