I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
