my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
