I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
