I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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