...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
