last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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