i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
