If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
