I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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