I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
