haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
