they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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