Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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