I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
