Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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