Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
