I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Couch. On fire.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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