VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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