my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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