Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
