What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
