honey bunches of taint.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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