drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
