I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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