There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
