but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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