addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
