I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
