Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
