Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
