this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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