Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So squirting runs in the family.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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