I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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