all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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