Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
