Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
