already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
