i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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