I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
