It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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