is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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