I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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