The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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