Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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