It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
