the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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